Getting Unstuck

Being stuck is that uncomfortable, sometimes painful feeling that we don’t like where we are, want things to be different, want ourselves to be different, but we don’t know what to do differently or how to go about getting unstuck.

I have been stuck many times, and I can tell you that for me, it has always been caused by fear. As soon as I would have a thought about how I could get unstuck, I would zap that thought with plenty of good excuses why my idea wouldn’t work.

Going way back, I can remember being stuck in a marriage that wasn’t working. I was stuck all right. I had three preschool children and no means of support. Although I thought of divorce, I could not imagine the actual process, and I believed in “until death do us part.” So, stuck I was. Within my limited thinking at the time, I tried everything to make that marriage work. And this was part of the stuckness. Nothing produced the result I wanted—a happy marriage.

I sometimes fantasize that with my greater knowledge now I could have made that marriage work. What happened is a case in point. Although I would not initiate divorce proceedings, my husband did, thus relieving me of the necessity.

I got unstuck by someone else’s doing—or was it? Human relationships are so complicated. I’m now quite sure that I pushed all the right buttons to cause the breakup, and I take 100% responsibility for the end of the marriage.

I don’t recommend this method of getting unstuck. In fact, I’m relating this story to show you the kind of method that is not intentional and usually doesn’t end well. It’s always better to find a gentle way of ending a relationship that doesn’t work.

There is a simpler kind of stuckness that I want to focus on. This kind is within you, not between you and another person. The feeling is similar, whether you are stuck within yourself or with another person.

So let’s say you are stuck in a rut. Maybe you have a job you hate, but the money is good, and you don’t have the confidence to find a different job or become an entrepreneur. Staying in this job is “safer” than leaving, so you stay.

Maybe you’re shy, and don’t know how to be bolder or more social. Being shy is safe. You don’t have to risk being rejected.

Perhaps you are angry at someone, or several someones, and can’t seem to move past it. It’s safer to remain angry than it is to forgive and move on.

With just these examples, do you see a pattern? The key word is safety. If you absolutely have to be safe, then you will remain stuck. And I hasten to add, it’s ok if you want to be safe. There’s nothing wrong with that. Then you will need to work on accepting your lot in life and keep on being stuck in that rut.

However, if you do want to work at getting unstuck, I recommend doing something—anything—different. Do something you have never done before. If you are single and hesitate to eat out alone, just screw up your courage and do it. Keep a little journal of the new things you are doing. If you don’t exercise, take a walk, even if it’s only 2 blocks.

I’m not finished with this subject, but this post is getting long, and I’m headed for bed soon. We’ll continue getting unstuck tomorrow.

I would love to know how you are doing with this. Please comment below. I’d especially like to hear how you have gotten unstuck yourself.


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Never Too Late To Bloom

Never Too Late To Bloom